Living off the land..and gaining

Last year after moving into our new house we were thrilled to see many black cap bushes just starting to produce berries. I had recently become unemployed and had discovered a love of baking. When the berries started to ripen I picked feverishly, devising ways to use them as I went. Who would have known that just a few bushes could produce so much fruit? Everyday I got container after container! I started out using them in a simple berry/rhubarb pie..then I tried muffins, then bread, then cobbler, then bars..I seemed to possess and uncanny ability to take something very healthy and turn it into calories. I think Kendrick gained ten pounds over the summer eating my desserts. I take full credit for his increasing belt size. I have no self control when it comes to pleasing his taste buds. If I so much as saw him blink at a sweet I was off to the kitchen making it and then spooning it into his mouth.
Berries are back. Just a handful to start, but its beginning none the less. I am off to find some new berry dessert recipes....and purchase some larger pants.

Telling it like it is

I was driving the other day and saw a new second hand shop that popped up on a main drag and thought, FINALLY! A store that advertizes exactly what it is! I don't advocate stealing and selling stolen merchandise, but the person that owns this store deserves an award for honesty. My hats off to you Mr. Stealz n' Dealz!

Mind Games

Someone has a slight case of paranoia and it isn't me. This is the front yard of a house in town. I counted more than thirty of these signs posted not only on the fence in front of their house but on the house and in the windows and on the mailbox and staked into the yard. This little one floor house sits on no more than an quarter of an acre of land. They even have a sign that says "no dumping rubbish or feces." Some days Lennon likes to walk home from school but since it's so far from there to my house I compromise and meet him on this street. I know it's mean but I like to park directly in front of this house and stare at it. Call it a power trip..call it what you will. I like to know there is someone watching from the window just waiting for me to do something sinister.

Bad ass nun

I'd convert too if I had to face her.

men

Sometimes I really wonder how men take care of themselves when they don't have a woman in their lives. Don't misunderstand me here, I am not saying this to make myself feel more important. I honestly watch Kendrick sometimes and wonder if he could make a week straight if I wasn't around. Today was a perfect example. He signed up for a 5K memorial run . First off, I had to trick him into "walking" the run rather than dying of a heart attack in the heat. I won't lie...other than the activity he gets on patrol neither of us are chomping at the bit to exercise. I like to play tennis from time to time but as soon as I start to feel I am doing it for any other reason but fun, I begin to resent it. It's like this with any exercise. We are bad for each other in this way. Anyways, I signed his brother up to walk with him...but Matt has asthma so I knew Kendrick couldn't run with him. Without this set up Kendrick would have tried to keep up with the other men in his platoon. I thought setting him up to have to walk would save him the embarrassment of keeling over in the midst of it all.
We get up this morning and get ready and it is sweltering outside. The sun is so bright overhead that two minutes in it and you feel yourself burn. Kendrick was meant to be born with red hair I am convinced. He can burn faster than anyone I know. It's some genetic fuck up. I say to him this morning, "you really should put some sunscreen on." He says, "yeah I know." I didn't go get it for him and slather it all over him like I would have our son...so do you think he put it on?? No! We were on our way there and I asked if he did and I got a resounding, "Oh shit!" Needless to say, he returned from the walk so sunburned and so close to heat exhaustion the rest of the day was spent in the shade with a cold rag on his head. Did I take care of him? Oh yes I did. I can't say I didn't want to slap his sunburn though.

a trip to Dr. Mengele...I mean the dentist

Went to the dentist today to get a tooth pulled. I always dread going to the dentist. It's never good news. Even though I brush twice a day and floss regularly I still seem to get cavities like it's my job. I just started seeing a new one. The waiting room was shiny and comfortable. Big cushy chairs and hundreds of magazines to peruse. They even had a curio cabinet with with little knick knacks in it. None of this detracted from the knowledge of what was to come though. No matter how soft they may try to make the environment I start shaking like a leaf every time I go.
My sister in law was saying the other day that she would rather give birth again then go to the dentist. Talk about a dedication to hating something! She's got a point though. At least with child birth you made the decision to go through it. She has called to check on me twice tonight. I consider myself lucky to have such a great sister in law. Although I would be lying if I didn't admit that part of my love for her is that we are the same size. Do you even know how convenient this is? We even wear the same size shoe. All my life my friends have been smaller than me and I was the odd (and by odd I mean fat) girl out. Not anymore..I can call her up and say, "Sue, you know that shirt you had on when you came over for dinner? I need to borrow that. Oh, and the shoes too...I don't care if you are wearing them now...take them off!" It's liberating.
At any rate, after today's appointment I tend to agree that childbirth is a better option. I survived the dentist...but just barely.

Ode to a lemon

We bought a car ten months ago. Sure it was a 1999. Sure it was used. But we felt it was a marked improvement over our existing vehicles. Boy did she shine in the dealer's lot. We looked at her and thought, "what a body!" We ran our hands over her and patted her rear and said, "today is your lucky day, we are taking you home with us." We drove her off the lot and marvelled at her speed, her get up and go ability, and her handling.
Cue music from deliverance.
Her thirty day warranty passed and her check engine light came on. We noticed blue smoke started coming out of her tailpipe. We noticed the expense of the quart of oil we had to feed her every other day. We took her to a few different mechanics and they all gave us a death sentence.
Her check engine light is on for good now and no matter what work we do it wont go off. We put a Mr. Yuck sticker above it some time ago to make looking at it just a bit funnier. Kendrick even has a special voice he reserves to personify the car. It's a grouchy old man who yells, "check my engine!"
We take hills nice and slow because it's hard on her. We feed her oil because she tends to puke it back up all over her engine. We keep her RPM's low because revving her makes her throw up oil even more.
I believe in assisted suicide. I think she is screaming for help.

What's this you may ask??

This is a pair of glasses that I have been instructed to start wearing. I even antiqued the picture to make it that much more appropriate to this post. They are a testament to getting old. Last year I started the aging process with floaters appearing in my vision. The optometrist was kind enough to point out that it's common with aging. This year I am told I need glasses for distance. What will it be next year...cataracts? Sometimes I just stare at the glasses and silently curse them.

I started getting grey hair about two years ago. Just a few strays towards the hairline in front. It's gradually creeping throughout my full head of hair. My sweet brother in law Matt was riding behind me in the car and so lovingly said, "Holy shit you are getting a lot of grey hair in the back of your head!" Thanks Matt for those sweet words....they really touched me.

Every once in a while I hear a creak from my knees when I stand up from a kneeling position.

I used to say I would embrace getting old. I would feel good about the grey hair and feel I have earned each of them. I would regard them and my wrinkles as a sign of wisdom.

I must be getting wiser because now I realize what a stupid thing that was to say.

wtf rant

I am sure you are all familiar with acronyms like wtf and lol. Having a teenager I learn a new one daily. I can't lie and say it isn't annoying to me. Are you really saving tons of time using acronyms like this? Let me break down a normal texting conversation that my son has with his friends.

Wdywtta? (what do you want to talk about?)
Idk, wdywtta? (I don't know, what do you want to talk about?)
Idc. (I don't care)
Lmao, we r dum. (Laughing my ass off, we are dumb.)
Lol, I no. (Laughing out loud, I know)

It makes my head want to explode. The only saving grace for me in this is that he is a teenager so I expect it out of him. But today, oh yes, I drove by a church in town with these types of acronyms on their sign. Brilliant huh?

NO MATTER WHO U R
U R WELCOME HERE!

I thought I was going to drive into the side of the church and crash into a big fiery ball due to the bleeding that was occurring inside my brain. I have a problem with the crazy advertising and slogans that churches have started to display outside. Like this one....
"WHEN YOU ARE IN HIM AND HE IS IN YOU GREAT THINGS HAPPEN!" or this one,
" TOUCH EVERYONE FOR JESUS!"
These are bad enough as it is, but you start adding acronyms into the mix and I just want to scream.

my weakness

I have a weakness for cute cats...ok, well cats in general. Kendrick and I stopped at a huge rummage sale yesterday and were walking around looking at things. Suddenly I hear Kendrick say, "why would they be selling a box of fur?" Upon closer inspection we realized it was a cat sound asleep in a box in the sun. This fuzzy bundle of sweetness was so adorable I could barely contain myself.

What is it about sleeping cats that makes us both melt I can't tell you. We have a cat ourselves and about a hundred times a day we marvel at his cuteness. We could easily become one of those crazy cat couples. Thank god we have some restraint or we would own enough of them to fill our house.

Here is a picture of our cat Tocho playing poker. This humanlike behavior is pretty typical. He often joins us at the table when we are playing games or eating. He doesn't beg for food. He just sits there for the company.

Decals

We were riding around today and in front of me was a car with two HUGE NY Yankees decals on it. We started discussing why sports fanatics feel the need to advertise their favorite sports teams. We don't really care what team you love, or what hobbies you participate in.
This made us wonder though.....Why don't all people advertise their hobbies? Why don't coin collectors have decals with coins on them, or stamp collectors have decals with a stamp and tweezers? Why don't clowns have a sticker that depicts balloon animals?

While I am at it. There has been a rise in vehicles with memorial stickers on them. Everyday I see a car with a sticker that says, "IN LOVING MEMORY" with someones name and the date they died under it. When did advertising the deceased become so acceptable? Some people even have photos on the decals. It's disturbing.

You know what we think? We think if you have a memorial decal you should be carrying the body in the trunk as well.

Ageless

When I think of grandmothers I think of sweet old ladies sitting in their rocking chairs knitting booties for babies. Perhaps joining the Red Hat group and embracing aging proudly.

I do not though, picture a grandmother who dyes her hair crazy colors when the mood strikes. She doesn't get a Korn tattoo or attend hard rock/metal concerts and bang her head in time with hundreds of teenagers. She definitely doesn't shake her fist in the air while she gets bounced around by nearby moshers. She doesn't sport hot pink nails or wear crazy goth costumes for Halloween. She sure as hell doesn't play the drums.

Unless of course it's my son's Nana http://www.misfitinparadise.blogspot.com. She makes me look like the grandma. Last week in the mail he received a Buckcherry bandanna and I was reminded once again of what kind of stuff this woman is made of. She refuses to stop progressing...and to this I say..Rock On !

Symantics

PETA to Pet Shop Boys: Rescue Shelter Boys, perhaps?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/04/10/peta.pet.shop.boys/index.html

This was a headline on the CNN site today. Apparently PETA has asked the Pet Shop Boys to change their name. They also want to start calling fish......sea kittens. Because who would want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

This hearkens back to a conversation Kendrick and I had with our son about using a taser on duty. Lennon stated that the word Taser seemed so mean sounding. Kendrick said he could start referring to it as "fluffy clowning" it may seem less threatening and offensive to the general public. This made Lennon laugh...." Stop or you will be fluffy clowned!!!"

Does the soft name really change the pain that would ensue? Me thinks not. I am all for animal rights. But for god's sake PETA. Stop coming off as such tools.

Finally official

Trip #2 to the SS office was a treat much like the first. I decided that if they weren't going to issue me a new card with my married name, and I couldn't get a driver's license without an SS card that I was going to apply for a duplicate of my old one with my maiden name. Then I would take that to the DMV to get a NY license and THEN go back to the SS office for the new card.
Confusing?? Yes it is. So I go yesterday and explain this to the man at the SS office and he stares at me blankly for a few moments and says, "We can't do that." Well of course I ask why. He says, "because your married name IS legally your name now. We can't give you a duplicate with your maiden name because you aren't that person anymore by law."

DEEP BREATH

Oh hold on now...I can't get a new card because I don't have a new license showing my new name..but in his little computer sitting there in front of him my legal name is my married name? Am I going crazy??? Did I drop acid without knowing it?? Because I am really starting to feel like I am on a bad trip and this short guy behind the bullet proof glass is mocking me.

I just stared back. Then I laughed. Then I laughed again. Then I had a mild stroke do to the pressure building up in my head. Ok, not really but I swear I started to have a mental breakdown. I almost asked this guy if he really wanted to be the one responsible for putting me in the mental ward two weeks after getting married.

I went to the hospital today to get my medical records with my new name on it..he accepted that. Go figure.

I used to be a counselor for small children with severe psychological problems. One day when I was working with a very angry five year old he stood in front of me, hands on his hips, and yelled, "I am going to go post office on you!!" (he meant postal)

I wanted to go post office on this guy at the SS office. He's damn lucky I have some self control.

Crazy Kendrick question.again

I don't know why it seems that driving in the car inspires Kendrick's craziness even more. Perhaps it's the fast moving objects and lights flying by that cause some sort of whirlwind in his brain. Maybe it's exhause fumes making him high.

" Why when people kill someone they put them in the trunk? Why don't they prop them up in the front seat and pretend they are asleep?"

My head is spinning

Leave it to the government to tarnish my newly wedded bliss with stupidity!

I got my marriage certificate today! Well it's a good a time as any (so I thought) to apply for a new social security card with my new name! Then I can just take my sweet ass over to the DMV and apply for a NY state license...since I am still running on a PA license. So, I get to the SS office and talk to the guy through a big bullet proof shield and a microphone and he says, "well we can't give you a new SS card without a new license." My head about spun off its shoulders. I have a birth certificate, PA license, various credit cards, marriage certificate and this is not sufficient?? Really? REALLY??! I don't know what to say to this guy and judging by the bullet proof glass I better not get smarmy or my ass is going to jail. So I swallow my frustration and politely say thank you while staring daggers.

Off to the DMV I go. What do they have to say to me?? "Sorry, you can't get a license without the SS card."

GO FUCK YOURSELVES..ALL OF YOU

Ahh City life

I balked at the thought of moving back to the city. Love makes you do crazy things. Frequently I see things that make me complain about it and it causes me to go into long explanations as to why small town living is better. BETTER!

Today I was sitting patiently in my car waiting to be the next at the ATM. The person in front of me finished and I put my car in drive. Suddenly a man on a rascal scooter zips right in front of me as if I wasn't there, sporting shades, several large gold rings, and had a filterless cig hanging out of his mouth. I wanted to get out of my car and pop a hole in his scooter tire. I wanted to run into him from behind and push his rude ass out of the way.

I sat and waited though..seething in my proof that city folk are so often blatantly rude.

I want my little rural town back. Sure everyone knows you and your affairs..but we are all beholden to each other.

Good luck charms

Why are people so prone to believing that certain objects or rituals bring them luck? I have never been superstitious on any level, not even slightly. But boy did I marry a freak of a man who is.
I was reminded of this this morning when we were coming in from outside and he saw a penny heads up on the ground. Why is this lucky? I throw pennies out all the time because they are a nuisance to me. What makes them so desirable if they are heads up?? All I can think about is how dirty they are laying on the ground. Do people really save the penny? Really? You know at some point they become part of the money you put towards you fast food purchase.

I am not allowed to lay a hat on the bed....again why? It's bad luck that's why. He is convinced that something dreadful is going to happen if I do. Sometimes I will lay down and stick my hat underneath me so he can't see that it's on the bed. It's my rebellious way of fighting back. Then at an inopportune time, like say when we are kissing passionately, I pull out the hat and watch him freak out. You may think this is mean..I call it therapy.

Ever go to a casino and see people who rub the screen every time they bet? What the fuck is that? Are they really convinced that it is helping them to win money? I love watching them burn through a hundred dollars just rubbing away. What will it take to get it through to them that it is doing nothing. In fact, I think it should be outlawed. It's so annoying that I have to get up and move because I want to scream at them that it is stupid and useless...AND ANNOYING ME!!

"You better knock on wood!" Seriously??? His whole family is convinced they are going to jinx themselves at any moment. I can't say anything positive about my day without hearing I better knock on wood. Me, "I can't believe I haven't caught that cold everyone has." Kendrick, "You better knock on wood and fast! Do it, find some wood!" If I don't find the wood he will commence to do it for me...sometimes I swear you can hear an audible sigh as if he just saved my life. If this happens in the car he will knock on plastic and for some odd reason..this suffices.

I don't know how I survived without his help. Think of all the times I was risking my life, not throwing salt over my shoulder, not knocking on wood, and laying my hat on the bed. Thank you Kendrick for saving my life on a daily basis.

Kicking the tires

We were drawn into the world of The Duggars..much to our chagrin. There is something about this 18 child family that makes you gawk and stare. You want to turn off the tv and say, "I have no interest in this." Try as you may though, you can't. Once you have seen two minutes of the show it spreads like cancer through your brain untill it is all encompassing.

Last night was the reshowing of Josh Duggar's wedding. (the oldest boy) Moments before his wedding his dad, JimBob, pulls him aside to teach him the birds and the bees. That's right. He is on the precipice of having sex for the first time in his life and his father decides that that was the very moment to give him a few tips on the act. Except, he doesn't give him the real facts...he gives him a video and a book called, Intended for Pleasure. It is a book designed for virgins on their wedding day. Of course I am a curious person and I just had to read some reviews on this book. Here are a few:

"Six months after we were married, I was wondering if all men wanted sex ALL the time. It seemed like it was exhausting work with no equal payoff for the wife."

"My husband learned that I may not have an orgasm every time and it's OK."

"According to Dr. Wheat the only way to bring a woman to orgasm is from clitoral stimulation. Which is a crock many women have G-spot orgasms during intercourse, but according to Dr. Wheat intercourse is not pleasurable to the wife only to the husband and he should "manually stimulate her" after his own orgasm."

"The Wheats are against oral sex calling it a short cut and not the way "God would have designed" it in part because it "limits the amount of loving verbal communication that husband and wife can have as they make love."

And now a segment from the book:

"If you think your husband seems to require a lot more sex than you do, ponder this illustration: If you were in the desert and you were thirsty, you'd think about a glass of water, wouldn't you? But if you're standing by the refrigerator, and there's an opportunity to push the button and get it any time you want to, the need for a drink is not nearly so urgent. Maybe the reason your husband seems never to think of anything besides sex is that he's "in the desert" and "thirsty" "Sometimes you will be very tired and feeling as sexy as an old sock, but your husband will approach you with desire. Secular therapists say a wife should be able to respond, "Sorry, but I'm just not up to it tonight." My own opinion as a Christian wife is that we can depend on the Lord to give us the strength and ability to be as warm and responsive as our husband desires, no matter how tired we are... ..."Most important, a wise wife will not argue. She will keep her husband peaceful and satisfied and happy by gracefully conceding to his wishes, or deferring to his opinions...A husband usually welcomes the thoughtful opinions of his wife..."(157-159, Third Ed.)

Well hoorah and kudos to JimBob for passing on this knowledge to his son. I am sure his wife will appreciate it.

The Four Square Church

Driving along today I spotted this sign on a side road. This is the actual name of this place..the four square church. Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to pick on somebody's beliefs really. I was just so thrown off by the name of this that I couldn't let it go.

Oh four square memories. As a child I had no coordination and was always out first. Not here! No longer do I have to worry about my inferior skills with a ball! No longer do I have to be concerned about finding three other people to play with! I picture myself playing with God, JC, and the Holy Ghost...I would say things like.."oh Holy Ghost, the ball went right through you again!! That's cheating!" or "Jesus, you can't use miracles to win the game!!" And if I win.......oh that's right....I get eternal life!

I imagine the inside of this church to look like a playground with four square grids all over. Its a huge tournament every Sunday. Instead of your Sunday best, you wear sneakers and sweat suits to church. I would of course spice up my outfit with a sassy pink head band and wrist bands. I would have the preacher autograph my rubber ball and display it prominently on my mantle at home.At this game, I can be the winner! Victory will be mine!

Tourist Trap??

Well E-town has sunk to a new all time low. We recieved a postcard...I will do my best to describe it to you.the front has a black background with big bold lettering and reads as follows

IN ELMIRA, TWAIN REMAINS.FACT: MARK TWAIN IS BURIED IN WOODLAWN CEMETARY IN ELMIRA, NYCELEBRATE TWAIN IN 2010

That's all. Just that. Twain remains?? He has NO FUCKING CHOICE!! He is BURIED here!!!!! It's no secret folks, he can't go anywhere. What the hell do they feel this card is doing for tourism in Elmira? Any tourist would read it and say..what a dumb fucking city this must be. I won't go into the fact that anyone coming from anywhere just to see Mark Twain's grave is going to be terribly disappointed. Let me save you the trouble..its a concrete block with his name on it. Picture the Washington monument...only grey...an eighth of the size...and no top. Emblazened with three copper etchings of twain and his family that appear to have been drawn by third graders. There you have it. Go somewhere else for vacation.

The Horror

Sometimes when we are driving and listening to music I will do sign language along with the lyrics. Not only does it keep my signing sharp, it humors Kendrick. In the middle of my interpretive signing today Kendrick suddenly turns down the radio and says, "I just thought of something awful." to which I reply, "if you say something to the effect of how awful it would be to be deaf without arms I am going to kill you." He says, "No no no..it's worse. I was just thinking how horrible it would be to be to have a song stuck in your head when you are deaf. How the hell do you get it out??" He went on to specify that this would only happen to people who were once hearing....(no shit sherlock) He sat there with a mortified look on his face and said, "you know, you couldn't just listen to a different song to get it out of there." What?????? REALLY???? That was three minutes of conversation that I can't get back. Three minutes wasted that I will never have again. I could have done something great with my life in that amount of time..but no...I spent that three minutes humoring a conversation that left me dumber than I was when I started.Nobody can tell me he isn't empathetic, feeling sorry for all the hearing impaired people out there with songs like Hotel California stuck in their heads. To all people who fall into this category..you are not alone...someone else is feeling your pain........even if he isn't deaf

Random invention#32875948573947

At least every other day Kendrick comes up with a random idea for an invention. Today we are sitting around chatting and he decides that it would be awesome to have a carpet with certain sound effects programmed into it. He starts demonstrating his concept explaining that if you were to sneak or tiptoe..mysterious music would ensue. If you were stomping and angry some sort of death metal would sound off. I have heard it all. If I could just rattle around inside this man's brain for a while I am sure I would be amazed at what he DOESN'T say out loud. How he doesn't just walk around laughing at himself I will never know. I spend half my days just laughing till I cry. In other news, oh wait, there is no other news. Unless you want to hear about how I pulled muscles sitting all weird on a barstool all night. How the hell does one go about doing that?? I know I am out of shape but come on already...this is pathetic. I don't even have a fun story to blame for it. Fatty here was just sitting sideways..that's all...sitting.

long day

It's wednesday..Kendrick goes back to work tomorrow. I hate when that happens. I wish we had no obligations to fulfill other than to spend every waking and sleeping moment together. Unfortunately that isn't the case. So I must return back to normal life tomorrow.

Long day ahead. I must trudge upstairs and start putting away the gazilion loads of laundry that we have done. T and I deflated the air mattress she was using whilst she was here and picked up all that stuff. So my house is starting to look somewhat normal again. I think I have done remarkably well not getting uptight about the mess. I used to go into fits over clutter and mess. I must say goodbye to my sister tonight. Who knows how long it will be before I see her again. She keeps telling me she is moving closer but I keep waiting. It sure would be nice to have her around. I have long given up hope that the rest of the family will move here.

The canadian is leaving as well today. The man is a virtual change dispenser. I swear to god everywhere he walked, change trailed on the ground behind him. It's crazy. He's the type of guy you want to walk behind at a arcade. If I was a thief I could have picked every cent up I found and probably called it rent. ....but then again it was probably canadian money and that's just no good to me. I can't say I didn't enjoy his company. He is witty and has a contagious laugh. Not to mention that we had fun calling him the ambassador to Canada and require that he answer all our questions....all of them!Goodbye Tat and Canadian Man! It's been fun.

Tidbits, Canadians, Sisters

Well Tat convinced me to start a new journal since I couldn't even remember the email I used for my last one...therefore I couldn't get the password. Oh well..no big loss. It's been an interesting week here in E-town. What with the wedding on saturday and a visit from my sister and her canadian friend Michael. I am not sure why I feel the need to say that he is canadian, other that it's just fun to say and I feel as though I have gained some sort of higher status having a foreigner staying at my house. Crowding up my space with his canadian clothing, his canadian video games, and his shoes..that have..that's right, walked the streets of Toronto. I feel like a legend. Ok, not really but you get my drift.

Kendrick is off work this week and we have done a whole lot of relaxing and hanging out at home. Really exciting we are, considering it's our honeymoon and ideally we should probably be off to some remote island. Lounging around on the sand while lizards dangle from the trees and hermit crabs nip at our toes. But that's not our style.

Seeing my sister has been wonderful. Sometimes after I haven't seen her for a spell I forget how loud and outgoing she is..oh did I mention pushy?? I love it. It's like she has diarrhea of the mouth and no amount of immodium AD is going to cure it. She really could be a spokesperson for anyone who has anything they want said but just can't bring themselves to get up on the soap box to say it. She could have out talked Hitler and made him feel two inches tall had she been given the chance. I give her credit..there is never wondering what she is thinking, she will never have to wish she had said something but missed the opportunity. Can you imagine that?? I mean, just yesterday I wanted to tell the slow ass cashier at the super market to rip off her fake nails so that she could more effectively type in my produce at a faster pace than she was. I wanted to tell her I was upset about her placing a huge bag of potatoes in with my soft bagels. But no, I couldn't bring myself to it..and now the opportunity has passed. Tatyana would never allow that. She would have had her crying whilst she stood over her with a whip saying, "work faster....we haven't got all day!!"