when food kills

We rarely eat at kfc..for obvious reasons. But when I saw the commercial for the new double down I knew I just had to try it. I don't know what compelled me to do it...perhaps I was momentarily posessed by a heart attack demon, maybe it was because the thought of having two mouthwatering pieces of chicken as buns instead of bread seemed so crazy. Whatever the reason, I did try it last night. I lived through it to tell the tale....so far.
First off I want to say that it's not as neatly given as kfc would have it appear in their stock photo. There are no long strips of bacon..just chopped up pieces that refuse to stay in place and end up all over your clothing. Eating this thing makes you feel like a caveman. You have no choice but to pick up huge hunks of meat and chomp away at them before they stain your perfectly nice clothing. It was akward, the chicken doesn't fit nicely together, the cheese and bacon were sliding all over the place...did I mention they didn't give us any napkins at the drive through??
I pushed forward though, I braved all the hardships of eating this sandwich. About half way through I looked at Kendrick and said, "I am pretty sure if you tested my cholesterol right now it would read....fried chicken." I have not looked at the nutritional facts for this so called sandwich, nor do I want to.
I finished this sucker...that's right. Fatty ate the whole thing. Surprisingly enough I think the double down began to double up in a matter of no time. I went home and put on some nice loose pj's and sat and admired my fried chicken belly. I also listened to the music going on inside my stomach...it sounded like gremlins having a party in there.
Did I mention gas?? Sure it's not really lady like, but when you eat something like this..be prepared for it. you could fuel a small car with the gas this sandwich generates.
I was prepared all night to have to run to the bathroom......let's just say....as of this morning...it's still lodged somewhere between my stomach and intestines. Will it ever come out? I don't know. Maybe the double down becomes a part of us when we eat it.
Wait, hold on....yep....I can see the outline of a chicken breast on my thigh.