Morbid Children's Rhyme Time

We've all heard our share of nursery rhymes. I can remember being a kid and being terrified of them. Most of them are horrifying. I thought it would be fun to do a series of posts where I break down a nursery rhyme and express my own thoughts on it.

There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe
(as if this image doesn't say enough?)

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

This line is obvious. Haven't you ever seen a shoe house? Where the heck did the woman find a shoe big enough to hold her and her millions of kids? Did she not ever question where it came from or worry that the owner was clearly a giant who would possibly come back to get his shoe and murder her and her family in the process??? You gotta think things through! How irresponsible. If you've got a shoe fetish so strong that you want to live in one, you probably should seek help.

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

Why didn't anyone ever teach her about birth control? Where are the fathers? How did her uterus not fall out, is an even better question. If you have so many children that you don't know what to do.. perhaps it's time to call in some help. There are lots of people who would love to adopt a child..COME ON LADY! I think it's time to stop sleeping around and possibly consider getting your tubes tied. I'm sure there's some clause under Obama care that could help you get it done. STOP HAVING SEX!

She gave them some broth without any bread;

Oh, well that's a healthy meal. What kid doesn't love JUST broth for a meal? If she had the means for some broth, couldn't she have kept the animal meat she got it from? Is she keeping all the good food to herself? Is she slowly starving the kids so that they will die off and make her life easier? Doesn't she know about programs like WIC? Again, I feel like she was hoarding kids instead of adopting them out. Instead of the crazy cat lady, she was the crazy kid lady. Let's face it.. it's never good to have any form of crazy. Someone get these kids a meal!!

And whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

Did she ever consider that her kids were probably acting out because they were starving? Where the hell is child protective services?! It's great practice to whip your kids and send them to bed.. I mean, no need to worry that they wont wake up from the beating. Glad she could find the time to whip each of them, but couldn't find the time to scavenge some sort of food to feed them. Shows where her priorities are.

Seriously, this nursery rhyme scared the bajeezus out of me. I remember hearing it and just laying there paralyzed with fear. Are people still reading their kids these things? How have they not made it to a banned books list?