Resiliency

Having worked in the mental health field and volunteering in the community, I've noticed a trait that some people have and some people lack. It's a trait that I feel is mandatory to survive the hardships, move on from our past, and to flourish as a human being.

Resiliency is the ability to hold or recover our shape. It is a type of strength that can't be broken by events or people.

I've watched my daughter struggle through some very difficult things in her teen years. Things that could render a person unable to function. Events that could have made her bitter and angry and unwilling to move forward... but she chooses to keep fighting. On the other hand, I've seen people crumble from past issues. They are unwilling to let go and they live in a constant state of being a victim.

I worry about our youth. I worry that we, as a society, are not fostering resiliency. It has become acceptable to wear our emotional scars like a thick coat...keeping out the possibilities that life holds. It is becoming normal to talk more about our hurts than our triumphs. Worse yet, there is an attentiveness offered to those who choose to stay in their painful past, and those who are living and trying get ignored.

It is now considered harsh to tell a child to 'get back up and keep going'. We allow them to stay in their pain, be it physical or emotional, without any encouragement to find the positive in the situation or moving on from their pain. I do believe that all negative situations have a positive side to them. Call me Pollyanna, but it has kept me alive and thriving.

Do not misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that we ignore mental health issues, abuse issues, or any other issue that is damaging. I am suggesting that we also focus on teaching each other that we do not have to let our pain define who we are. We can choose to see that it is the surviving and growing that defines us.

I have interacted with people who live in the past. They are very hard to maintain relationships with because they leave no room in their hearts for the positive that could occur. Their dialogue becomes a revolving door of pain and suffering, spinning so fast that I can't stop it. These people often spend their lives feeling very alone, not understanding that their refusal to get out of that cycle is what's keeping others away. They are quick to blame others for being mean and uncaring..but it's really hard to get your arms around someone who is thick in the layers of their own pain.

I rarely talk about the abuse I suffered as a child. Not because I am ashamed, but because I am not defined by it. I am often asked how I have been able to move on from the situations I lived through..my answer is always, "why would I want to stay there in that ugliness when there is so much more that is beautiful to experience?"

These are things we need to remind each other and our children of. Life is full of wonderful, beautiful, breath taking moments..but we have to be willing to let go of the blinding pain to experience them.