This is not a fun thing to talk about.
Robin William's death has left people reeling. One glance at the media, social and otherwise, leaves one with images of a man that made so many laugh. It is tragic. There is no denying that. Losing a precious soul is always tragic, whether it be from natural causes, an accident, or suicide.
Suicide brings up so many questions for those left behind. Why? How did I not know? Could I have stopped them? These questions are normal. It is absolutely normal to question your role when someone takes their life. It is a normal part of grieving the loss of someone you loved.
What is not OK is judging the person who took their life or the family and friends that were part of their life.
I have seen posts about how Robin Williams' family should have done something to stop him. How it was a waste of life and talent. That it is wrong. That suicide is not a solution to a temporary problem. Depression medication is to blame. I feel compelled to shed some light on these types of judgments. I am not asking you to agree with me, I am merely asking you to open your minds to what it's like to have depression.
Imagine yourself in a dark tunnel on a train that is moving so fast that everything outside of it is a blur. Every now and then you see the train hitting your loved ones, hurting them. Now imagine yourself laying on the floor of that train. Every inch of your body is tired and hurts. You can see the lever for the brake out of arms reach, but your body does not have the strength left to pull it.
When a person is truly, clinically depressed..this is their existence.
One day after another of feeling like they are hurting those around them. The guilt is unimaginable. There is no question of how the world is a better place because they are in it. They feel like a freight train who is taking out everyone in their path. They are not pretending to be martyrs. To them, ending their life is an act of love and sacrifice to stop their own issues from hurting others. I am not demeaning the impact of a suicide on those left behind. Not for a minute. Their pain and loss is tremendous and sad. I am only asking you to look through the eyes of someone who is considering taking their life. These are thoughts that they struggle with every day.
Add to that the feeling that they no longer have the strength to live with their own pain. This is not weakness. Quite the opposite. People who live with serious depression are some of the strongest people I've met. Their battle is not one that is external, something they can escape from. It is internal. Ever present. They are waging war against their own thoughts and feelings on a minute to minute basis. Add to that the physical symptoms of depression. Your body hurts from head to toe. It is like you are being beaten by an outside force, every day.
For those who say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, I ask you to learn about the pervasiveness of mental illness. Sometimes their is no solution. Sometimes, someone can get a glimpse of light and find strength to keep going. For others, they never see that light. Existence becomes one of survival, never really living life...just getting through another day.
I am not condoning suicide, or asking you to condone suicide. It is not our decision to judge. It is not our place to tell a person that they are a waste, or that they are bad because they don't want to suffer and they don't want their loved ones to suffer.
It is important to honor a person's life, not judge their death. There is so much more to a person that that single moment when their life is suddenly over. Find the beauty they brought into the world. Thank them for that.
I am asking you to put aside your own feelings for a moment and to acknowledge a person's pain for what it is.
Empathy. That is all I am asking of you.
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