Let's face it..as we get older we realize that some of the choices we made when we were younger were a bit......flawed. Not well thought out. Impulsive. Sometimes just downright ridiculous.
Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change the bad and the good that has made up my life, for it has made me who I am. But, there are some things that I would love to have known as a younger person.
Here's my top ten:
1. About 90% of of the fashion choices you made were terrible. Granted, you were pretty poor..but you always found a way to buy Aquanet extra super hold hairspray and turn your bangs into a satellite dish. You probably should have spent that money on something that wasn't going to potentially give you miner's lungs.
2. You will NOT appreciate that Tigger tattoo that you got on impulse. The same with almost all of the other tattoos you got. Tigger? Use your brain, Terralyn. By the time you are thirty you will look at it and wonder at what point you became possessed and made that choice. Heed my advice, seek out a young priest and an old priest.
3. You are not a sexually deviant person for thinking about kissing girls. You are bisexual, it's OK! You first had this thought at 7 years old..go with it. Life is too short to not love. Also, contrary to the beliefs you were raised with...you aren't going to burn in hell for it. So stop praying for salvation every time you look at another woman and think, "I just want to kiss her face."
4.Think about your future body a little bit before sledding down hills that end in concrete. Your brain is important. Stop riding your bicycle like you are Mario Andretti.. although you thought you undid the damage by spending days of your life picking stones out of your knee caps, that's going to come back to haunt you. By the way, you never got all of the stones out.
5. Stop falling for gay guys. I know they are some of the most awesome people to hang out with..but believe me when I tell you.. they do NOT want to kiss you. So just enjoy the friendship and stop hoping they will fall for you. P.S. they like other guys... you don't fit the bill no matter how much you try to.
6. Perfume that costs a dollar is not a going to make you smell good. It gives you a rash and it makes other people think that you broke into your grandmother's stash of Avon perfume that had been in those cool bottles for no less than 30 years. Just put on your deodorant and shower.. again, miner's lungs.
7. Don't trust that uncle who told you he could teach you how to ride a bike. He's going to give you a good push and then laugh hysterically as you slide down the gravel hill like you are a stick of butter on a hot plate. Find someone a little less sadistic.
8. World War 3 is not going to happen in your childhood years. Stop looking at every airplane like it's going to drop a bomb on your home. This is anxiety...perhaps you should be talking to someone about getting that under control now. Later in life it will make you borderline crazy at times.
9. Your brother is a jerk. While you are sitting there feeling guilty about not being a better sister, he's planning the next way to give you stitches. Stop feeling guilty, he's never going to outgrow it. In the span of your childhood, he will send you to the emergency room more times than you can count. Also, he will blame you for everything. You will be spanked a million times for something he did. Just walk away....actually..back away slowly. If you turn your back, you may get another shovel to the head.
10. Roller skates are not for indoors in front a huge picture window. You will go through that window and fall 7 feet onto a stone driveway. Trust me on this...it seems fun right now, but you won't think that when you break a tooth and look like Edward Scissorhands from the many cuts on your face. Maybe skate outside instead?
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