You Are Not Broken

Sometimes we just need to hear that.

From my own experience, depression can be described as a dark hole with no ladder. You can be surrounded by people who love you and still feel utterly alone. You sometimes get glimmers of light..and a foothold, and then you slide back into the darkness. The tears come without reason and can't be stopped. You fear you will lose your mind, that sadness will swallow you up and take your ability to function as a human.

It's common to hear people say they are depressed. And for people who really do struggle with it, it's off putting. Depression doesn't occur from having a bad day. It just is. It's something that even in good moments, is sitting right beneath the surface..waiting to rear it's ugly head. Some people experience it in waves. For others, it is a full time existence of wishing they would die. And some do, sadly.

Being a shelter of sorts, we often have people who come to our home, feeling that they are at the end of their ability to cope and go on. It's heart wrenching to see a person like this. You want to reach inside them and wrap their heart in your love. You want to give them your eyes and thoughts so that they can see the possibilities and beauty in themselves.

But we can't.

All we can offer is unconditional love and support. Arms to hold them, food and water to nurture their body, a soft nest to lay in, and open minds and hearts to hear what they are saying. And we pray that it is enough to help them through it.

I have learned some things over the years about helping someone who is battling depression. I write these things in hopes that if you are faced with the same situation, that it will help you know how to handle it.

Do not expect a clear answer from asking them what is wrong. Sometimes everything FEELS wrong but you can't put your finger on any one thing.
Do not tell them to be strong. Rather, tell them it's OK to feel weak and weary, right now.
Do not remind them of all the good things in their life. This is just serving to disregard how they are feeling at the moment. If they could be joyful and positive..they wouldn't be depressed.
Do not say that they are choosing to be sad. One does not choose to be so sad that they want their life to end. Depression is not a choice.
Remind them that their sense of self and personal power are not gone, that it is clouded and hidden in the fog of emotions. They do possess it, they just can't reach it right now.
Listen to everything they say with an open heart. Only speak when they are able to hear. Speak comfort, love, and words that show your intent of caring.
Know that you may not understand where they are coming from, but that it doesn't make their struggle less real.
Help them care for themselves. Simple things like bathing and eating can be a difficult task. It's almost like taking care of a baby bird who has lost it's mother. You must be that person's care taker until they are strong enough to fly.
Make sure you have a safe person to share your own feelings with. Caring for someone who is depressed is hard. It can be exhausting. It is important that you also take care of yourself so that you can continue to be a source of strength for the person who needs you.
Don't invest your time, gain a person's trust..then walk away when it gets hard. Unconditional love does not leave when things are hard. People who are depressed often find themselves surrounded by people with good intentions who end up walking away from them...which only worsens their feelings. They feel like they are a burden on others and will sink back into themselves to avoid bothering people.
Admit when you are faced with things that are out of your comfort zone. It is important to have resources available to offer a person. The more support they have, they better off they are and the better their chances of getting through it.
Honor their trust in you and don't take it lightly.

If you know someone who is battling depression, please do not ignore it. It takes one second for a person to give up. You may be that one person who can  be a light for them.