Resiliency-The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Learn

Something I often say to people who are going through a difficult time is, "You are either a victim or a survivor, you choose which."

I think one of the greatest gifts in this life is the ability to choose our own path. There are so many things in life that our out of our realm of control. The one thing you can choose is how you respond to these things. The good and the bad, how we respond can make us or break us.

Growing up in a home full of dysfunction and abuse, I realized early on that although I was stuck there, (being a child) that I could control how I responded to the situations. This is not to say it made them any less horrific..please don't misunderstand me. But, knowing that I could respond how I wanted to..gave me back my power.

This is true for almost everything that happens in our lifetime.
Bad relationship
Illness
Broken hearts
Employment or unemployment
Money Matters
Social interactions
Family interactions
Loss

The list goes on and on.. we are surrounded by events that will play out without our consent.

How do you create a sense of resiliency within yourself and your children? This trait lies within all of us, it's just a matter of seeing it for what it is and building on it.

1. Discover the power of being a positive person. If your immediate reaction to a situation is to acknowledge the negative, you will only focus on the negative. In every situation that is hard, there is some way to find the positive. It sometimes feels unnatural to do this...but it works. Resiliency means being adaptive. When you take the time to focus on the positive..you will realize that the negative is only short lived. Being negative not only robs you of enjoyment in life, it steals your energy. You need all of your energy to get through the tough times.

2. Embrace changes! You've heard the old saying, "when one door is closed...." It's true. Learning to accept changes opens your world up for branching out and discovering new things. Linear thinking may be good for things like math, but life is full of paths and branches off in many different directions. Finding yourself stuck and then refusing to embrace a change means you might be missing out on some awesome things down another path.

3. Develop problem solving skills and use them frequently. Whenever a new problem is at hand, make a list of potential ways you can solve it. Give yourself opportunities to work through problems that are easy and gradually face the bigger ones. Seek outside help if you simply do not know how to solve a problem. Therapists can be great tools to help you build your problem solving skills.

4. Learn to adapt. Sometimes we simply cannot change a situation. This is true of chronic illness and other situations that we have absolutely no ability to stop. Learning to adapt is one of the most important things you can do at times like this. Instead of asking yourself, "how can I still live my life with this 'thing'?" Ask yourself, "How can I make this thing work with my life?" Do not give up your power over your life, adapt. Understand that changes may be necessary and learn to make them.

5. Set boundaries for yourself. Sometimes this means eliminating negative relationships. Sometimes this means understanding your challenges and strengths and acting accordingly. Being resilient also means knowing your strengths and weaknesses and using them in everyday life to be the best you can be. Being an over achiever often leads to frustration and resentment. Do what you CAN and do it with a happy heart. If you can do extra..it's a bonus. It's OK to say, "this is what I am capable of at this moment." Understand that your abilities may change..adapt when that happens.

6. Nurture yourself!! Having a rough day? Relax, pamper yourself, get extra sleep, decline offers to do more. Keep your power by not over extending yourself. People who are constantly saying "yes" to doing more often find themselves frustrated. This goes back to knowing your limits and setting boundaries.

7. Develop a strong social network. Although chatting with a friend will not make problems go away, it allows you to unload some of the burden so that you can carry on. Surround yourself with people who are positive and strive to nurture their own lives and the lives of those they love. In moments of hardship, it is important to have support.

8. Learn to love yourself. No amount of changing your physical appearance will change what's inside you. Learn to love this part of you first..the rest will fall in line.

9. See changes as progression. It is important to keep moving forward. The bad thing that may have happened may be the fuel to push you to a greater cause. With every hard event, we build on our ability to overcome more and more. They help us learn who we are and who we don't want to be.