Boy, is this ever a hot button! I see pictures like the one above, all over the place on social media. Please know, I'm not targeting anyone specifically, I just want to share some information that I think is crucial when considering bullying.
The first thing to consider is that bullying is NOTHING like it was when you and I were kids. We lived in a time when generally speaking, parents were more involved in discipline. We lived in a time when social networking, cell phones, and email..didn't even exist. We lived in a time that weapons were not readily available, and if they were, we never considered using them to violate another person. Further more, we lived in a time when people didn't openly talk about being different (homosexual, transgender, learning challenges, poverty..etc), those things may have been whispered about, but there was not the inclusion in classrooms or the community, like there is now. In our time, people didn't openly come out about who they might be.
What is bullying? It is using strength or superiority to influence or intimidate a person, with the intent to force them to do what you want or harm their emotional/physical/social well being.
Domestic violence is a form of bullying..as a whole, our society takes that very seriously. Yet, in essence, it includes the very same behavior that many kids are now facing. Tell me, what is the difference that one is OK and one isn't?
Sexual harassment in the workplace is a form of bullying, again, that includes the same behavior that kids are now faced with. Yes, sexual harassment of kids by other kids is a very real problem.
These are just two example of types of bullying that are adamantly fought against, yet demonstrate the very same behavior and motives as the types of bullying that our kids are facing in school.
Do I think that there are times when students, kids, people, cry wolf and abuse the word victim? YES I DO. Absolutely, I do. I've seen it in my own personal life and I've seen it in professional settings when working with kids. Do I feel that we really need to teach what resiliency is? Again, yes. In fact, I feel so strongly about it that I've written two blog posts just on that topic. Do I agree with the sentiment that letting kids stand up for (by) themselves and learn to cope is enough to address a bully? NO.
One can not cope as well when they are being bombarded daily with soul crushing, threatening, scary behavior from peers. It is not possible to cope when you are immersed in fear for your safety. Again, safety means physical, mental, emotional, and social. Sorry folks, that's psychology. Trauma does not allow us behave in ways that are normal and healing while it is occurring. That is fact.
Should kids/adults be taught to stand up for themselves? Yes, IF it can be done without threat to their safety. There is no situation with a bully that is safe. They will systematically behave in a way that will diminish your sense of self worth and sense of safety. Again, that is fact. THAT is bullying.
Saying our kids need to just suck it up and learn from it is ignoring bullying for what it really is. It is telling kids that their struggles are merely their own and it undermines their want to get help when they need it the most.
We can't continue to ignore this problem. Sweeping it under the rug only empowers bullies to continue their behavior.
I ask you to consider these things before making rash judgments against anti-bullying programs. I ask you to consider how you would feel if your child was driven to suicide because they feared for their life. I also ask you to consider our changing world, how technological and social changes have created a place where bullying has not only changed, but it has flourished.
If you don't want to wear shirts or ribbons to show your solidarity against bullying, that is OK. What is not OK is ignoring a very real and very scary problem. Please do your research. You need only to use google to see the devastation that bullying is causing kids and adults.
I leave you with these frightening statistics:
- Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
- Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
- A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
- 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
- According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying
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