What's In A Name

There are many things assigned to us at birth. Many of those things are not based on what your wants or feelings may be down the road. A parent takes that role for you. Sometimes this is OK. A person may feel a strong connection to their name after hearing it throughout their lifetime. Sometimes a person may feel it necessary to change their name to solidify their identity.

Especially in the case of trans* folk. Just like their gender was assigned to them, their name (usually associated with that gender) is assigned as well. This can be problematic. A name is important. It's something that shapes our identity.

My daughter changed her name several years ago. She did not feel her birth name aligned with her gender identity. At first, this was hard for me. I labored over a name for her the whole time I was pregnant. It meant so much to me. I called her that before I even held her in my arms...and yet, in a flash, that name was no longer suitable or wanted by her.

I grieved that. The night she told us that she had decided to change her name, I sat outside for hours crying. I felt like I was losing her in a way.

After a couple of hours contemplating this, I realized just how ridiculous this was. She was still my girl, my baby, my child. How selfish of me to assume that because I chose her name, that she would identify with it in a positive way.

She could have changed her name twenty times, and it wouldn't change who she was as a person.

This raises the question.. why do we (as a whole) feel it is a burden to change our thinking, our habits, and our behavior towards a person who finally understands what their identity really is? Should this not be a celebration?

What if we changed our thinking instead of asking a person to deny their true identity? "Congratulations, you are so sure of who you are! That's an amazing thing!!!"

And it is an amazing thing! Something that many of us take for granted. It is like being reborn, except this time, you absolutely know who you are!

To those of you going through this, I honor you. I hope you find the strength and joy to stand firm in your identity. It is truly worth being celebrated!