Some Wounds Never Heal

I often see myself as a warrior. Someone who refuses to give up when things are at their worst. I have spent a lifetime fighting back and learning how to stand, feet planted, ready to swing back.

But..

There are some invisible forces that simply can't be fought. The resilience is in recognizing them and weathering the storm they bring. No amount of fighting will stop the onslaught, but you can hold on, reach out, put on the proverbial life vest and let the waves throw you around until it subsides.

Abuse and trauma change our brains in ways that most people don't acknowledge. Scientific studies of the brains of abuse victims show thinning in certain areas of the brain. Imaging has shown that pathways in the brain can become stunted, turned off, changed. There is no lack of evidence to back up the reality of how severe abuse, neglect, and trauma can alter the brain in very real ways.

I rarely touch on my own personal experiences as a child and teen....mainly because I see no benefit in it. Rehashing what I've been through does nothing for me except bring up painful memories to ruminate on. It gets me nowhere and serves no healthy purpose.

Sometimes though, the actions or words of another can open up a can of worms and no matter how you try to see it logically, the fear and shame come washing back like a wave. And it knocks you down. I think these moments are the hardest to cope with. They are unexpected, you are unprepared, and your mind goes back into safety mode for a bit because it senses a very real danger. This is not faulty thinking, this is the result of a brain that has been hardwired to perceive certain things as threats. In a way, it's self preservation. Fight or flight.

The awareness of post traumatic stress is leaps beyond what it used to be. It is a condition that most have at least heard of. This is a good thing. What people who don't have a history of trauma don't realize though, is that it isn't something people can just go to therapy and get over. There is no magic pill that stops the hurt of it. There is nothing, literally nothing, that a person can do besides try to learn to live around it...be aware that there will be times that pain will resurface, causing all manner of feelings.

As a general population, our initial reaction to a person who is hurting, is to try to fix it. Know this, there are no words that will make it better. In fact, bombarding someone with what you may perceive as care, can make the situation worse. The guilt and shame survivors feel runs deep. When everyone senses something is wrong with said person, they are quick to try to slap a verbal band-aid on it to make it stop. These band-aids are weak and do no more than make a person feel like they are a burden that is in need of attention.

We do not want attention.

We do not want sympathy.

We are not selfish.

We have strong feelings of guilt and shame for a situation we didn't ask for.

In these moments of pain. We simply want it to stop, yet we know it never will completely.

Imagine me handing you a sharp stone and saying to you, "here, put this in your shoe. You must walk around with it against your skin..forever. Seems daunting, doesn't it? So does living with depression, anxiety, or ptsd that is caused by severe, unnatural events. For some, it hits at odd times. For others, it is a daily struggle.

If you see someone is hurting, don't assume you can fix it. It's admirable that you may want to. You can't. Instead, ask how you can help, listen..don't give advice, be a silent support and hold them if they'll let you. If not, hold them in your heart and just try to understand that it isn't you. You didn't cause this, nor can you fix it.

Hurt people are some of the most beautiful souls on this Earth. Their internal scars are a network that is often woven into a soft net for others...because they know what it's like to be hurt to their core. Love them.