I'm mostly described as blunt, assertive, or words associated with someone who just can't contain herself and often says things that make people look at me like I'm out of my mind. And it's true. I'm a special kind of crazy when it comes to filtering what I say to people. There's a reason for this..
I abhor lying.
Whether it be lying by omission , little white lies, or the big lies that people tell because they are ashamed of their behavior in one way or another.
Either way you slice it, lying is THE biggest way to lose my respect for a person.
I can't say I've never lied. I was adept at it well into my twenties. At some point though, I realized that it was extremely tiring to keep up a charade of being, doing, thinking a way I really wasn't. As I look back, I often analyze why I behaved that way. It ultimately came down to shame. I felt shameful for wanting something I shouldn't have. I felt shameful for saying what I really felt about something. You name it, I could somehow find a way to feel shame in it.
This is a human issue. We are taught, from a young age, that the truth equates to trouble. You were honest about getting hurt and crying and told to suck it up. If adults were mean to you, you were told to respect your elders. If your family had secrets, and most do, you were told to lie to keep the secrets. There are hundreds of ways that we are taught that lying is not only acceptable behavior but preferred behavior.
But it isn't.
It's stifling. It gives false perceptions about who you are as a person. It encourages people to act impulsively with little thought to consequence for their behavior. It's unreality in it's purest form... and it's a way of life without even realizing it.
Let me pose this question to you: What would happen if you were brutally honest at all times?
Are you in charge of how someone feels if you tell the truth? Are you responsible for someone's reactions in general? They are their own feelings. Feeling you are somehow responsible for another's egos, feelings, or identity is a lie. It's akin to feeling like you can control someone's favorite color.
How much time in our life do we waste, interacting with people we just won't be honest with in saying, "we just aren't compatible in a way that I need." How much time do we waste attending events or parties that we bitch about for days before going, simply because we have to keep up an appearance? How much of our life is wasted in relationships that only exist because two people won't be honest with one another about what they really want? How much time do we spend actively having to be aware of covering lies upon lies so that we don't get caught?
My honesty has resulted in many things over the years. My circle of actual friends just gets smaller and smaller, because I find not many people can offer me the same harsh truth that I bring to a relationship.
And I crave that. I so badly want to meet others who stand in their truth in an unwavering way and live a life of freedom as a result.
Take a deep down look at yourself. You are good enough as you are. Your thoughts and feelings are valid to you. It doesn't matter what anyone else in the world thinks about you...on any level. Until you can understand that and stop seeking validation from others...your life will continue to revolve around the lies that make you appear as you hope to others. It's a vicious cycle and you're the engineer.
Or you can choose to get off the merry go round that will take you nowhere and stand on your feet and walk your own path....
and truly live.
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