Let's face some cold hard facts. If you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual...there is a great amount of support available for you. There is no shortage of support groups that can and will accept you for who you are.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's amazing that you have that support! It hasn't always been that way, and it's wonderful that we are moving along as a society and becoming more accepting and aware.
The problem with these support groups is that they've become a catch all. And while it's awesome that the gay and lesbian community is willing to accept everyone with open arms, acceptance is not all that is needed to help someone on their journey.
As a support group, it is imperative that everyone involved becomes education on the population that they are catering to. What may start out as good intention can quickly turn into a negative experience when people don't understand or learn the appropriate ways to interact with someone who is transgender.
I am an ally of the transgender population. I am outspoken, forthright, and unwilling to bend when it comes to the treatment of someone who is trans*. I have seen some recurring themes among G,L,B,T,Q,I groups and it is troubling to me. I have had more than one person who is transgender express their concerns about being part of these support groups.
It is your job, as a support group to have resources to help a person. It is not OK to assume that your challenges are the same, or that you can relate in the same way. In fact, it's better to say, "help me understand" than it is to say, "I know how you feel because..."
Be an ally by helping fight for civil rights that are lacking for the trans* community. Just like people have fought for the rights of the gay community for years, it is now time to pay it forward and keep our society evolving and learning.
No, trans* people do NOT want to be a part of your drag shows. In fact, it is sometimes viewed as a slap across the face to watch people use gender as entertainment. Do not ask them if they want to participate...they are not "gender illusionists", they are simply trying to live as the gender they identify as and do not want attention focused on them as they try to establish their life.
Stop asking when they "came out" to their friends and family. Their lives have been spent trying to understand themselves and their feelings. There is no celebration or coming out party for them. In fact, to focus on their sex assigned at birth is rude and demeans their feelings about their gender. Generally, it's a period of time that they would like to forget. Just like you, they were born this way.
No, they don't typically want to participate in rallies, parades, or other activities that draw attention to them. They came to you because they need allies, they felt that you would be accepting and understanding about their needs and difficulties in traversing through life as a trans* person. They don't want the pomp and circumstance, they just want friends who understand them.
Stop trying to guess who they are. We don't all need to have a label. Don't try to pigeon hole them by asking them how they identify, what their label is, why they are at your group. They will share what they are comfortable with..other than that, be a friend and assume that they need a friend.
Often times, there is a tremendous amount of emotional turmoil when learning to understand and identify your gender for what it is. As a support group, it is your job to provide resources and help in ways that do not make them a poster child. Let them be the silent partner in raising awareness. You be the voice they need.
Invite someone to speak to your group specifically about trans* issues, so that you can be made aware and educated. Research..research more...and share your knowledge with everyone who will listen.
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