As the water splashed and splattered all over me I thought to myself...
"Self....at 37 years old, you should know better than to keep doing this EVERY time you wash a spoon!"
Apparently, there are things that time and experience can't teach me. So I've compiled a list of stupid mistakes that I will probably make the rest of my life.
Shampoo in my eyes. How hard is it to remember to keep my eyes closed while washing my hair? Pretty difficult I guess since I'm still screaming like a wild banshee in the shower about once a week. This always results in knocking over bottles and the screaming more because it hits a foot. Maybe it's time to switch to a baby safe shampoo....
Since I'm on the topic of showering. Another common thing I do while thinking deep, philosophical things.. is forget to rinse out conditioner. Nothing like running your hands through your hair an hour after a bath to realize you've got an oil slick on your head. Since the girl in the picture below is rocking it.. I guess I can say at least I'm trendy?
One of my classic moves is putting my clothes on inside out. It's always awesome to be in public and have someone announce that I've done this. My favorite is struggling to snap my bra for a good five minutes only to realize that it's inside out... I've got big boobs. I've had to wear a bra for most of my life. You think I would notice that I'm sitting there struggling to snap the damn thing and that something isn't quite right.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not exactly graceful. Living in a house with hardwood floors just makes this worse. Someday I will learn to slow down when I'm just wearing socks on my feet (or my favorite footie pj's). There's nothing like the rush of adrenaline you get when you take a corner too fast and slide. It keeps my heart healthy.
I'm not gonna split hairs. I like food. I like the taste of it.. and if a small piece of cake is all that's available, fine. If a whole cake is sitting in front of me.. forget about it. I need to get that stuff into my mouth asap. The problem is that sometimes my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I seem to only remember this after the fact. When I'm rolling around in pain, clutching my stomach, and praying to anyone that will listen to come save me from impending death by food.
Can you make out the picture below? Me either.. I find myself in this situation often. I leave the house, get in the car and realize five miles away that everything is a blur because I've forgotten my glasses..yet again. Who the heck decided to make the writing on street signs so small? Why do I forget my glasses? One would think that a person would derive joy from seeing the world in a crisp and fresh way. I see a running theme here of being a glutton for punishment.
Back to the food topic. Did I mention I reaaalllly like food? Why, for the love of all that is holy, do I continue to eat foods that make me feel like I've just set my stomach on fire?! Tomatoes, pineapple (which, by the way.. I'm allergic to and still eat), pasta, cucumbers.. you name it. It can hurt, but it's still going in my mouth. This always results in a tearful rendition of, "why did I do this? Again."
How many times will I take interest in a craft or hobby, go out and spend tons of money on it only to lose interest halfway through? Why do I do this to myself and my budget? You know how many half finished knitting projects I have in a box somewhere? I can't answer that because I don't know, nor do I want to. Sorry for all the babies that never got their blankets.
I'm a fairly organized person. I like things to be in a specific place. I love filing. I love.... to kick my shoes off in random places, only to yell like a jerk when I can't find one of them, insistent that someone has done it specifically to aggravate me. I hate that the furniture industry has decided that couches look better up off the ground. Not only do half of my shoes end up there, but so do cat toys, bits of food, toys, socks..etc.
Hopefully, my stupidity has made you laugh. I like to tell myself that brilliant people are often the most absent minded. Yeah....... let's go with that.
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