Complicating Life

 I was having a conversation tonight during which the question was posed, "why do you feel people are drawn to negativity? Why do people seem to want to make their lives harder than they need to be?" I've been contemplating it all night.

We've all chosen the more difficult paths at one point or another in our lives. Every single human has done this, some by choice, some out of defiance of following the 'norm', some because that is all they've ever known to do. The list of reasons goes on and on.

Where you fall on that spectrum is unique to you...but it doesn't explain why, as evolved beings, we continue to do this to ourselves after shooting ourselves in the foot on previous occasions.

I've tried to simplify my life as much as possible. On all levels. I've walked away from the drama. I've limited my own personal effects. I have a life that is fairly structured and still enjoyable on a deep level. It is not an impossibility to have this and still have a means of excitement. Deciding to live a simplistic life does not eliminate anything good. In fact, it makes the good in life, more prominent. 

I guess one situation that comes to mind for me when considering this is watching the dance that is human behavior in places like bars. My facebook feed is fairly saturated with women and men complaining about each other. There are countless posts about being unhappy with one's love life or lack thereof. Many, many posts about a person feeling jaded after their person of interest lacks reciprocated feelings. 

Why? Why are people doing this to themselves? What is the actual payoff? Human behavior denotes that a repeated behavior is fueled by some level of payoff. What fuels the desire to seek out that which is going to hurt, complicate, or create any level of drama in our own lives?

My only guess is this: a person does not feel they are worth the effort it takes to wait for something right, something natural, something intuitively easy and good...to happen to them. 

When we cherish and nurture ourselves, we learn to wait. It's not easy... sometimes it feels like the waiting is work, when in fact, it isn't. It just is. It's a matter of learning to say, "I deserve this time of waiting, I am worth the end result." This did not come easy for me. It took many tries of restructuring my own thinking to get to this point...and sometimes it's still an internal argument I have with myself. I see a situation that I am making harder and I have to step back and evaluate my own behavior and remind myself to slow down. 

We have to remember we are worth the simple, the good, the waiting.