I can't pretend to understand the ways of the universe. I simply don't understand. It's hard to accept that life can give us so much and then take it away in a moment.
What I do know is this... I have to try to learn to cherish the time I am given and hold on to the gift that it is. It is a mantra I repeat several times a day since you've gone.
Charlie, you were an outstanding man. You could never know the fissure your absence has left. Every day since you've passed, I've tried to take the beautiful times we shared and lay those memories gently inside this crack in my heart to try to fill the void and dissipate the pain.
Patience. That is my lesson in life right now. Waiting for time to dull the ache of this loss.
My memories of our time together are all I have..but they are everything.
Despite your own hardships, you were a light. There wasn't a day that went by that you didn't strive to tell show me how special I was. Sometimes, it was just by being a presence. Just the gentle presence that was you, standing with me in a unified way. Sometimes, it was words that would wrap themselves around my heart, feeling like a tight hug for the soul. Other times, it was glaringly obvious that your goal was to lift me up and remind me that life is better because I am a part of it.
And my life is better because you were a part of it. No matter how much pain I feel. You will always be a light inside me. There will always be a space in my heart that beats steady and strong because it is you.
There will never be another Squabbit, or baked potato, or Otter. You were too unique to replace.
It's not goodbye forever, Charlie...because you'll never be truly gone. Your body may be, but the memory of you is forever.
And I am so thankful for that.
I love you
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