Driving along today I spotted this sign on a side road. This is the actual name of this place..the four square church. Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to pick on somebody's beliefs really. I was just so thrown off by the name of this that I couldn't let it go.
Oh four square memories. As a child I had no coordination and was always out first. Not here! No longer do I have to worry about my inferior skills with a ball! No longer do I have to be concerned about finding three other people to play with! I picture myself playing with God, JC, and the Holy Ghost...I would say things like.."oh Holy Ghost, the ball went right through you again!! That's cheating!" or "Jesus, you can't use miracles to win the game!!" And if I win.......oh that's right....I get eternal life!
I imagine the inside of this church to look like a playground with four square grids all over. Its a huge tournament every Sunday. Instead of your Sunday best, you wear sneakers and sweat suits to church. I would of course spice up my outfit with a sassy pink head band and wrist bands. I would have the preacher autograph my rubber ball and display it prominently on my mantle at home.At this game, I can be the winner! Victory will be mine!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tourist Trap??
Well E-town has sunk to a new all time low. We recieved a postcard...I will do my best to describe it to you.the front has a black background with big bold lettering and reads as follows
IN ELMIRA, TWAIN REMAINS.FACT: MARK TWAIN IS BURIED IN WOODLAWN CEMETARY IN ELMIRA, NYCELEBRATE TWAIN IN 2010
That's all. Just that. Twain remains?? He has NO FUCKING CHOICE!! He is BURIED here!!!!! It's no secret folks, he can't go anywhere. What the hell do they feel this card is doing for tourism in Elmira? Any tourist would read it and say..what a dumb fucking city this must be. I won't go into the fact that anyone coming from anywhere just to see Mark Twain's grave is going to be terribly disappointed. Let me save you the trouble..its a concrete block with his name on it. Picture the Washington monument...only grey...an eighth of the size...and no top. Emblazened with three copper etchings of twain and his family that appear to have been drawn by third graders. There you have it. Go somewhere else for vacation.
IN ELMIRA, TWAIN REMAINS.FACT: MARK TWAIN IS BURIED IN WOODLAWN CEMETARY IN ELMIRA, NYCELEBRATE TWAIN IN 2010
That's all. Just that. Twain remains?? He has NO FUCKING CHOICE!! He is BURIED here!!!!! It's no secret folks, he can't go anywhere. What the hell do they feel this card is doing for tourism in Elmira? Any tourist would read it and say..what a dumb fucking city this must be. I won't go into the fact that anyone coming from anywhere just to see Mark Twain's grave is going to be terribly disappointed. Let me save you the trouble..its a concrete block with his name on it. Picture the Washington monument...only grey...an eighth of the size...and no top. Emblazened with three copper etchings of twain and his family that appear to have been drawn by third graders. There you have it. Go somewhere else for vacation.
The Horror
Sometimes when we are driving and listening to music I will do sign language along with the lyrics. Not only does it keep my signing sharp, it humors Kendrick. In the middle of my interpretive signing today Kendrick suddenly turns down the radio and says, "I just thought of something awful." to which I reply, "if you say something to the effect of how awful it would be to be deaf without arms I am going to kill you." He says, "No no no..it's worse. I was just thinking how horrible it would be to be to have a song stuck in your head when you are deaf. How the hell do you get it out??" He went on to specify that this would only happen to people who were once hearing....(no shit sherlock) He sat there with a mortified look on his face and said, "you know, you couldn't just listen to a different song to get it out of there." What?????? REALLY???? That was three minutes of conversation that I can't get back. Three minutes wasted that I will never have again. I could have done something great with my life in that amount of time..but no...I spent that three minutes humoring a conversation that left me dumber than I was when I started.Nobody can tell me he isn't empathetic, feeling sorry for all the hearing impaired people out there with songs like Hotel California stuck in their heads. To all people who fall into this category..you are not alone...someone else is feeling your pain........even if he isn't deaf
Random invention#32875948573947
At least every other day Kendrick comes up with a random idea for an invention. Today we are sitting around chatting and he decides that it would be awesome to have a carpet with certain sound effects programmed into it. He starts demonstrating his concept explaining that if you were to sneak or tiptoe..mysterious music would ensue. If you were stomping and angry some sort of death metal would sound off. I have heard it all. If I could just rattle around inside this man's brain for a while I am sure I would be amazed at what he DOESN'T say out loud. How he doesn't just walk around laughing at himself I will never know. I spend half my days just laughing till I cry. In other news, oh wait, there is no other news. Unless you want to hear about how I pulled muscles sitting all weird on a barstool all night. How the hell does one go about doing that?? I know I am out of shape but come on already...this is pathetic. I don't even have a fun story to blame for it. Fatty here was just sitting sideways..that's all...sitting.
long day
It's wednesday..Kendrick goes back to work tomorrow. I hate when that happens. I wish we had no obligations to fulfill other than to spend every waking and sleeping moment together. Unfortunately that isn't the case. So I must return back to normal life tomorrow.
Long day ahead. I must trudge upstairs and start putting away the gazilion loads of laundry that we have done. T and I deflated the air mattress she was using whilst she was here and picked up all that stuff. So my house is starting to look somewhat normal again. I think I have done remarkably well not getting uptight about the mess. I used to go into fits over clutter and mess. I must say goodbye to my sister tonight. Who knows how long it will be before I see her again. She keeps telling me she is moving closer but I keep waiting. It sure would be nice to have her around. I have long given up hope that the rest of the family will move here.
The canadian is leaving as well today. The man is a virtual change dispenser. I swear to god everywhere he walked, change trailed on the ground behind him. It's crazy. He's the type of guy you want to walk behind at a arcade. If I was a thief I could have picked every cent up I found and probably called it rent. ....but then again it was probably canadian money and that's just no good to me. I can't say I didn't enjoy his company. He is witty and has a contagious laugh. Not to mention that we had fun calling him the ambassador to Canada and require that he answer all our questions....all of them!Goodbye Tat and Canadian Man! It's been fun.
Long day ahead. I must trudge upstairs and start putting away the gazilion loads of laundry that we have done. T and I deflated the air mattress she was using whilst she was here and picked up all that stuff. So my house is starting to look somewhat normal again. I think I have done remarkably well not getting uptight about the mess. I used to go into fits over clutter and mess. I must say goodbye to my sister tonight. Who knows how long it will be before I see her again. She keeps telling me she is moving closer but I keep waiting. It sure would be nice to have her around. I have long given up hope that the rest of the family will move here.
The canadian is leaving as well today. The man is a virtual change dispenser. I swear to god everywhere he walked, change trailed on the ground behind him. It's crazy. He's the type of guy you want to walk behind at a arcade. If I was a thief I could have picked every cent up I found and probably called it rent. ....but then again it was probably canadian money and that's just no good to me. I can't say I didn't enjoy his company. He is witty and has a contagious laugh. Not to mention that we had fun calling him the ambassador to Canada and require that he answer all our questions....all of them!Goodbye Tat and Canadian Man! It's been fun.
Tidbits, Canadians, Sisters
Well Tat convinced me to start a new journal since I couldn't even remember the email I used for my last one...therefore I couldn't get the password. Oh well..no big loss. It's been an interesting week here in E-town. What with the wedding on saturday and a visit from my sister and her canadian friend Michael. I am not sure why I feel the need to say that he is canadian, other that it's just fun to say and I feel as though I have gained some sort of higher status having a foreigner staying at my house. Crowding up my space with his canadian clothing, his canadian video games, and his shoes..that have..that's right, walked the streets of Toronto. I feel like a legend. Ok, not really but you get my drift.
Kendrick is off work this week and we have done a whole lot of relaxing and hanging out at home. Really exciting we are, considering it's our honeymoon and ideally we should probably be off to some remote island. Lounging around on the sand while lizards dangle from the trees and hermit crabs nip at our toes. But that's not our style.
Seeing my sister has been wonderful. Sometimes after I haven't seen her for a spell I forget how loud and outgoing she is..oh did I mention pushy?? I love it. It's like she has diarrhea of the mouth and no amount of immodium AD is going to cure it. She really could be a spokesperson for anyone who has anything they want said but just can't bring themselves to get up on the soap box to say it. She could have out talked Hitler and made him feel two inches tall had she been given the chance. I give her credit..there is never wondering what she is thinking, she will never have to wish she had said something but missed the opportunity. Can you imagine that?? I mean, just yesterday I wanted to tell the slow ass cashier at the super market to rip off her fake nails so that she could more effectively type in my produce at a faster pace than she was. I wanted to tell her I was upset about her placing a huge bag of potatoes in with my soft bagels. But no, I couldn't bring myself to it..and now the opportunity has passed. Tatyana would never allow that. She would have had her crying whilst she stood over her with a whip saying, "work faster....we haven't got all day!!"
Kendrick is off work this week and we have done a whole lot of relaxing and hanging out at home. Really exciting we are, considering it's our honeymoon and ideally we should probably be off to some remote island. Lounging around on the sand while lizards dangle from the trees and hermit crabs nip at our toes. But that's not our style.
Seeing my sister has been wonderful. Sometimes after I haven't seen her for a spell I forget how loud and outgoing she is..oh did I mention pushy?? I love it. It's like she has diarrhea of the mouth and no amount of immodium AD is going to cure it. She really could be a spokesperson for anyone who has anything they want said but just can't bring themselves to get up on the soap box to say it. She could have out talked Hitler and made him feel two inches tall had she been given the chance. I give her credit..there is never wondering what she is thinking, she will never have to wish she had said something but missed the opportunity. Can you imagine that?? I mean, just yesterday I wanted to tell the slow ass cashier at the super market to rip off her fake nails so that she could more effectively type in my produce at a faster pace than she was. I wanted to tell her I was upset about her placing a huge bag of potatoes in with my soft bagels. But no, I couldn't bring myself to it..and now the opportunity has passed. Tatyana would never allow that. She would have had her crying whilst she stood over her with a whip saying, "work faster....we haven't got all day!!"
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