I thought I would be going through empty nest syndrome. My children seemed so eager to leave after graduating, and one of them did...for a couple of months...for a few days at time...she came home on the weekends.... what I'm saying here is my nest is NOT empty. In fact, the amount of people have multiplied, including an almost five month old baby. (I am so not complaining)
For those of you that have ever considered communal type living, let me just give you a warning about the not so pretty aspects of it. Here is a list of not so glamorous things about living in a smallish house with lots of people.
I was never good at dancing. That is, until I had to learn to deal with one and a half bathrooms with a large family. I'm getting older. I've had a baby. I've had a hysterectomy. My bladder waits for no one, especially first thing in the morning. When these kids were in school, I had to nearly pry them from their slumber to get them up and going. Now it seems as though they are mainlining cocaine all night long. It doesn't matter if I wake up at seven in the morning or one in the afternoon, someone is in there showering, shaving, peeing, pooping...you name it. When I have to pee, someone is in there doing something. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I've lost what little modesty I had left and have resorted to using the bathroom while they are showering. I'm sure my almost twenty year old son loves that.
You wanted clean underwear? Should have planned that out a week in advance. Chances of getting your clothes in the washing machine at any given time are as slim as getting in the bathroom when you need to. We had a wedding to attend last week and you would have thought that it was announced that there would be no washing machine EVER AGAIN. The run on the basement made me consider wearing footie pajamas to the wedding.
Forget retirement. Any possible savings you may have accrued are going right to the gas and electric company. The washer, dryer, and hot water heater do NOT run on wishes and hopes...much to my dismay. Just last week we had a family meeting about how to cut down on our usage. The kids (young adults) just looked at me with glazed over eyes. It was like I was speaking a different language. "Last month's bill was $1000. We need to do something about this." What they heard, "blah blah blah blah." At least they had the heart to nod agreeably.
That warm cozy bath you just took is going to be ruined when you step out of the tub, reach for your towel, and wrap the dripping wet mess around you. NOTHING is sacred. We've bought every person in this house their own color coded towels. We've threatened their lives and told them to only use their towels. Here's a little factoid for you.. there are people in this world that don't care if they are using something that has touched your private areas....and they all seem to live with me. Pro tip, hide YOUR towels. Just do it.
I remember a time when I worried that my angsty teens would never come out of their room. I'd find them curled up under blankets, in the dark, listening to music that evoked emotions akin to those you get at funerals. Don't you worry!! One day those kids are going to decide that evil lives in every shadowy spot in the house and they will leave every light on to repel those demons.
Young people are struck blind at some point. Don't you worry. They can see all the beautiful and wonderful things in life. It only effects the part of their sight that is dedicated to identifying a mess. I don't know how it happens. I've asked the optometrist if there was a special prescription lens to help them out, he just asked me to leave his office and threatened to call security. Number one rule in a houseful? NO ONE made that mess. Magical things happen and messes just appear.
Remember when you used to go out, hang out with friends, enjoy parties? Being surrounded by other people twenty four hours a day will turn you into a hermit. You will start thinking about the prospect of towing a broken down car to your back yard to make it a space to be alone in. You will recall the days of your youth when you had forts and start thinking about climbing the tree in your yard...and never coming out. The thought of social events makes my heart skip beats and my palms sweat. Just what I need, more people to be around. You know what I need? A dry towel and a cave.
Yes, I sound sarcastic and cynical. Do I love my family? Yes! Is everything I said, true? Sure is. So when you look at my home and think, "awww it's so sweet how they live" just remember I warned you. It takes a mighty big sense of humor to live through it.
I'm serious about the toilet paper thing though. It will eventually make me insane.
