As is my yearly tradition on this blog (mostly)... I've compiled my list of top five resolutions for the year.
So I'm a few months late. Good resolutions take time to create.
5. Stop squinting so much: aka stop losing my glasses.
The problem with having bad vision is wearing glasses. Forget the fact that they make life easier, in that I can see better. I hate them. Also, I am notoriously bad at keeping track of them. I can't tell you how many times I've turned the house upside down to find them. The cycle is the same every time: set glasses down somewhere before bed, get up the next day and forget I have been wearing glasses for over ten years, squint at everything until I remember why I'm half blind, look for glasses, give up on looking for glasses and go back to squinting.
Not this year! Every time I look in the mirror at the chasm that is forming between my eyes, I will say to myself, "self, put your glasses on before that chasm is so deep you look like a wrinkled up peach that's been sitting in the sun for a week." By the way, I'm totally not wearing my glasses as I write this.
4. Sleep through the night.
No, I'm not an infant. I'm a fully grown woman who can't manage to sleep more than three hours at any given time, and usually these hours are not at night.
I am on a mission this year to try to get it in check. Starting next week.... or sometime.
Perhaps if I didn't sleep next to a man that is all elbows and snuggles, I could sleep better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm supposed to think it's cute that he snuggles (smothers) me while he's sleeping.
I'm just gonna go right ahead and call bullshit on anyone that thinks wrestling with a spastic rhino in a 6x4 space is fun. I fell off the bed last night. Correction. I was snuggled off the bed last night.
Addendum to Number 4:
Buy a separate bed for Sir.
3. Buy more stretchy pants.
After finally conceding to the fact that I love pajama pants, I have unabashedly started putting them on as soon as I walk through the house door. Gone are the days when I had enough pride to stay dressed until bedtime. I don't have it in me to care anymore. I am going to rock my comfy pants as much as I want, when I want. I don't care if I look like a fat girl who failed at yoga. I don't care if they aren't flattering for my butt that is already non-existent. I don't even care if they don't match the shirt I'm wearing. I AM GOING TO BE COMFORTABLE... and I will hurt anyone who tries to get in the way of my comfort. You've been warned. That's right... I'm making 2018 my bitch.
2. Stop ingesting so much sugar.
Don't get too excited. I'm not implying I'm going to quit eating sweets. (see stretchy pants resolution) I am going to give up drinking the sugary sweet beverages that have become a habit this past year. I've always been a champion water drinker. I could drink anyone under the table. Give me a glass and some water, and you're going down. At some point last year, I started drinking what I have dubbed 'The Red Drink'. It's really just Hawaiian Punch. It started harmlessly enough at one drink a week when I just wanted something different. It quickly escalated into me calling Sir at work and asking him to stop and buy me some of the good stuff on his way home. I remember the day I was grocery shopping that the addiction came to a full realization. I saw a container of Red Drink and thought, self, you can have that on tap 24/7. If I don't stop drinking it, I'm going to be the next stand-in for Wilford Brimley. I will be the staring at you from your television, in my comfy pants, telling you, "you can have your diabeetus supplies sent directly to your house."
1. Run Away
I have been a parent since I was 19 years old. I deserve a freaking break from life. It's never ending. If it's not my own kids, it's someone else's kids, and if it's not kids.. I am taking care of adults. I can't stop taking care of other people. My kids are young adults, and yet here I am.. still mommy-ing like the whole world is hungry and I'm a leaky breast. (that's right. I just verbed the word 'mommy')
Well guess what? Mama is running away. At some point. This year. For a little bit. Just a few days, maybe.
Why is this so hard for me to do?! I honestly feel like if I'm not available to everyone's kids at all times, something terrible will happen. The one time I choose to shut off my phone will be the one time one of my kids is laying in the proverbial ditch, helpless and hurt... whispering, "mama...mama...why have you forsaken me?"
Why do I think like this? They aren't off taking crazy risks. They aren't drug lords running from a bad deal. They aren't gang members that have a bounty on their heads because they narced someone out to save their hide. They are, in large, law abiding citizens who think excitement is a night snuggled in bed with snacks and a good movie.
That's it! I am going to pack a bag and go away for a few days. I'm going to throw caution to the wind. I'm going to go somewhere I've never gone, and live it up.
Hey kids, if you're reading this: my phone will be on if you need me.
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