Relationships, whether they are romantic, familial, or friendly, all require investments from two people. There is a delicate balance of depositing and withdrawing from both parties. But what happens when that becomes unbalanced and your emotional investment is no longer being reciprocated? When is it time to close down the revolving account and say, 'no more'?
Much of our behavior is dictated by gain. In nearly every situation, we need to ask ourselves what our motive is. What is making us behave in any certain way? When we do that, we usually find that we are behaving in a certain way because there is something that is to be gained by it. These gains can be things like: admiration, material objects, love, safety, friendship, time...the list goes on and on. Even if we aren't aware of our own motives, they are there. Even when giving to charity, there is a deep sense of goodness in ourselves. That is still a gain. It's not a bad thing, it's just how we work in most instances.
When you find yourself in a relationship where there is an imbalance of giving and taking, it feels wrong... and it is wrong. Relationships that are one sided will not last. It is a simple fact. Just like continuously withdrawing money from an account without replacing funds, a person who is constantly giving without reciprocation will become tapped out. Their balance will eventually hit zero or become overdrawn, and they will have nothing more to give.
Some people live in the overdrawn state for a very long time before they finally say, 'enough'. You can usually spot these relationships. One party looks happy and fulfilled, and the giving party looks tired, resigned, sad, and often angry at the situation. Sometimes, we don't see the imbalance as something we are contributing to and we become resentful of the other person.
For our own sake of well being, it is important to spot these situations and either try to mutually correct them or to close the bank and walk away with your self investment still intact.
We often hear about loving without condition. Sometimes, unconditionally loving someone is the act of letting go. Especially in situations where there is imbalance. It's the act of setting the intention that you wish to part from them before you hit a state of resentment and anger. It's knowing that sometimes, the best intentions just aren't enough to fill both of your emotional needs. It's not giving up, it's recognizing that the two of you are not able to progress further because your wants and needs are vastly different.
There are people in your life that may want to invest and just don't know how. This is one of the reasons we hear phrases like, 'men are clueless'. It saddens me when I hear one gender demean another gender in such ways. Typically, it's not about being clueless as much as it is about lack of open communication. An expectation that another person will automatically know all of our wants and needs in that relationship. Before deciding to close down your emotional bank account, it's important to ask yourself if YOU are being fair in doing so. Have you given the other person a fair chance at knowing what kind of deposits are assets to your emotional bank balance? If not, they may simply not know how.
On the other token, there are people that are like money hungry vultures. They will come into your life quickly and swoop in to take over and steal from you in every way possible. They are the people that only seek to gain and never reciprocate. Many narcissistic people fall into this category. It's the people that use the word 'me' or 'I' when it comes to communication. It is important to be aware of these people, because victimization will happen even with the best intentions on your part.
Knowing when to let go is important...in all things. There's a time to fight for something and there is a time to withdraw...even when it hurts.
If you do not keep your emotional bank account in the positive, it will take a toll on you in every way. Surround yourself with others who want to nurture you as much as you want to nurture them. Communicate your wants and needs, clearly, so that they have the fair opportunity to reciprocate. Cut ties with vultures who only seek to gain.
Most importantly, learn how to fill your own emotional bank account so that you aren't completely dependent on others to do it for you. It will make your relationships much more balanced from the beginning.
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