But not everyone is ready for it. Not everyone knows what love really looks like. Too many people just want it NOW and will go to any length to try to wrestle it into submission, only to claim a victory that really isn't a victory at all. Love does not happen overnight. We are no longer young children with a limited depth of understanding of what love entails.
This is going to be an honest post. I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, a love guru. I'm just a human being with flaws like everyone else... but I do know that loving myself first, respecting myself, has put me in a position to love in a very real way and be loved in a very real way.
When you are single, the search for companionship can be come so consuming that it leads to behavior that destroys any possibility of lasting, meaningful relationships. You chase. You present yourself in a way that is not the real you in order to impress another person. You make sacrifices that demean your own values and morals... all for a possibility.
Stop.
Being alone isn't always fun. Sometimes being alone means facing our demons in a way that we don't when we are surrounded by others. It is essential work, though. Taking the time to learn where we are going wrong, what we REALLY want, and learning to be content in our own skin, is all part of building yourself up to be ready to share your heart. Until you do this work, history will repeat itself because you are looking for another person to fulfill that which only you can fulfill.
No one will take you, wonderful you, seriously.. until you can stand up alone, and say for certain that you have your own back.
Someone who is really emotionally ready to settle down does not want to be chased. They don't need that from you. They don't need your validation in order to know that you are the right one for them. They will just know. Chasing someone only makes you look desperate. Desperation causes people to behave in ways that aren't conducive to longevity. It makes us do things that fulfill a want in the present moment. So take a deep breath and know that you don't need to stoop to a level of desperation in order to prove yourself.
It's fun to be fun, but it's not fun to be a play thing. Feel like you are being objectified, sexualized, or that if you don't throw yourself physically at people that you aren't being noticed? Chances are good that you've taught yourself to settle for false affection because you feel it is a better alternative than no affection. The truth in this is that if you willingly offer your body to someone without building an emotional bond, there is no reason for the other person to feel they need to work for you or your love. There is something to be said for waiting. Not only does it show that you value an emotional connection more than a physical one, it shows that you have control over your own self and that in itself is sexy.
Earn trust and wait for another to earn yours. This does not happen quickly. It is the slow passage of time where our behavior speaks for itself in a way that proves that trust has been established. Without this, you are building on a foundation of sand. It will erode quickly with the smallest amount of rain.
Be your own self. Have your own hobbies and interests. No one wants a clone. It is not appealing to meet someone and have them mimic your behavior in order to garner your attention. You not only steal their uniqueness, you send the message that you are also not unique. Two people do not need to be exact replicas in order to work. In fact, a relationship can become quite stale if two people have no space to be different. The saying that opposites attract, can be very true in many ways because it causes an intrigue that might not otherwise be there.
Love is beautiful, there is no doubt. It feels amazing. It feels safe and warm and all of those things that make a person smile inside...
Just remember that loving yourself is the only way to succeed in loving someone else.
1 comment:
Not sure how I came across this but it is a great piece. Thank you!
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