Several times a week, I get hit on or propositioned. Yes, I know what a lot of you are thinking... I should feel lucky to have people interested in me. Lucky. I've heard that statement before and it makes my jaw clench. Sitting from where I am, lucky is the last word I would ever use to describe how it feels to have people disrespect not only my physical and emotional space, but also disrespect my Sir by pretending he doesn't exist.
No, I am not flirtatious. What you see is what you get with me. I am honest, outgoing, friendly, and actually rather modest in terms of dress and behavior. I may be loud and funny, but I am not, in any way, ever inappropriate with men. I will give a friendly hug to those that I know. I do not and will not throw myself at the opposite sex, nor do I try to gain their attention. To be quite honest, I've gotten to the point where I always hope that I can enjoy an evening out or even at home without someone hitting on me.
And here's why...
I hate feeling like I am on display. I hate feeling like I need a bubble to live in so that I stop getting touched by hands that have no right to touch me. I hate feeling like people don't respect my relationship status and in turn do not respect my Sir. I hate feeling like I can't be my outgoing self because it might draw the attention of someone who will disrespect me. I hate hearing that someone doesn't care that I am not available when I tell them so.
I just want to enjoy my time with my loved ones and friends and man without feeling like I have to be on high alert. No I am not paranoid. It's become such an issue, that it's pissing me off. I don't want to be told I'm sexy, fine, or anything even close to that.. unless it's coming from my man.
Maybe I'm crazy for wishing that people would actually see that I am so much more than my appearance. Maybe in today's society it's too much to ask that my relationship be respected simply by not trying to place yourself between us.
I don't need the attention of others to know in myself that I am worthwhile. I just don't. That is not a validation that I am seeking from the outside world. I know this without smooth words and actions of others.
People wonder why so many women have a hard time with feeling self conscious. This is a huge reason. It is always apparent that we are being watched. Imagine how it would feel to know that when you walk across a room, eyes are on you, comments are being made, hands are reaching for you, and people are saying things to you directly about your body. I, myself, am not self conscious...but I can certainly see why many women and girls are.
I protect my relationship. Sir and I both do. We both have very strong feelings about trust and dedication. That's something we cherish in one another. I can see how frustrating it is for him to be out with me and still have someone approach me like he doesn't even exist...or that it's just harmless behavior. He's not frustrated with me, he's feeling exactly how I feel when it happens to him, disrespected.
As a musician, it is inevitable that you interact with many many people. You are in the public eye. You attend music events. We all approach each other with recognition and usually respect. On the other hand, it's not uncommon for musicians to also get a lot of unwanted attention. On some level, it goes with the territory. You are placing yourself in the spotlight. Again, where this is a problem is when people don't take 'no' for an answer, people throw themselves at you, or people act like you are purely an aesthetic creature with nothing more to you.
This is most certainly a rant and me rambling.
I just REALLY want to be respected. I want my physical boundaries to be observed without question. I want my relationship to be seen as the commitment it is, instead of a challenge to others whom would seek to pursue their own desires without thought of how it impacts another person.
I don't feel this is asking so much. If you unknowingly and respectfully approach me in a way to show interest and I say to you that I am not available, and you respect that...THANK YOU. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You are a dying breed. Even more special to me are the people in our lives that respect who I am internally, respect my happiness with Sir, and never cross my boundaries because we have mutual respect. Thank you to all of you as well.
I understand that much of the world wants to find that someone special to call their own. I do get it. Just remember that while you are out there looking, it is wrong to disregard another human's boundaries. It is also very wrong to attempt to destroy the foundation of a relationship that is already established between two people who love each other.
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