There are people who crave solitude. They do best with large amounts of alone time, isolated in their own little space, alone with their thoughts, and content to live that way.
There are some of us who struggle with isolation. It is not an option we would readily choose.
The ability to be alone in your own skin is important. We will all have times where it isn't an option, and it is healthy to know how to find peace in those situations. But what about when it's imbalanced? What happens when we are so isolated, we feel cut off from the world as a whole?
Babies who are neglected and who do not have human interaction will often develop Failure To Thrive. This is telling when we look at the reality of lack of touch, attention, and love. Their weight drops, head circumference growth slows down considerably, and overall growth and development can become so delayed that it can cause death or permanent disability.
Our brains are hardwired for us to be social creatures.
There is a vast difference between chosen periods of solitude and isolation. One can feel rewarding and refreshing, while the other can leave us vulnerable to depression and the manifestation of physical/emotional degradation.
Human contact releases oxytocin. The same hormone that is released during pregnancy and causes that immediate bond between mother and child. Often dubbed the love hormone, oxytocin is also found to be elevated during times of emotional and sexual interactions with others. It can lower anxiety, boost our immune system, and improve our own emotional stability.
My daughter and I developed a hug routine when she was younger. We would stop and take time to give tight, meaningful hugs throughout the day. When I was single, I remember the actual effect of it on my overall sense of self. It grounded me, it reminded me that I was loved, it made me laugh or feel instantly happier, it made me feel back in touch with the rest of the world, and could instantly change my outlook on the day.
When we are depressed, it is sometimes a natural inclination to isolate, when in fact it is the worst choice we can make. It is at this time that we need human interaction more than any other time. This is also why so many social workers encourage family members to stay involved in the treatment of those with depression. There is a very real psychological function involved.
I struggle with feelings of isolation. When my time alone is imbalanced, I become sad and anxious. Sometimes I have the sense enough to seek out another person. Other times, I disappear in it. Not necessarily by choice, but because I am too sad or tired to reach out or say what I need. These are also the times when my self doubt is strongest, I question where I am at in life and if I am making the right choices, and I cave to the untruth that I am not loved.
We need to have empathy enough to notice this in others and to reach out to them. Not in an invasive way, but in a way that gently brings the person back to reality. We need to foster strong emotional and physical ties with our children, friends, and lovers. It is imperative to every single person alive.
If you find someone you love withdrawing...chances are they are suffering from a lack of attachment to you. Either you are neglecting the relationship by choice or outside forces stand in the way of quality time with them. Whatever the reason, we have to make the important changes necessary to nurture every human relationship or they will crumble due to lack of attachment.
Hug someone today. Sit and make time to show that you are present and invested.
We are still just newborns, seeking out comfort...and we always will be.
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